Lately I've been posting about 50/50 friends locked/public entries. I add pretty much everyone who friends me so if you want to add me, add away!

Also, I would love it if you posted an intro comment on this post about yourself or where you found me. (comments are screened)

<3 Carly

I have good news to share. And there are 6 people I want to run to and say "Guess what guess what guess what!!!!", but nothing is set right now so I won't be doing that. I'm so tired of plans changing randomly and I don't want to make a big deal out of something only to take it back later.

I might not let my personal plans change from this point. That has its own set of problems but I'm starting to not care about that.

I MUST MAKE ONE OF THESE!


I think I could handle that wiring project.







What is wrong with me?

October was a crazy month. I think Kris and I both had the swine flu early in the month which threw a lot of things off course. The project of going through everything I own to find things to get rid of was one thing that was put on hold.

I own way too much stuff. I think the plan is to move in February and I am NOT going to move all this random stuff again. However, I did find all my old fun sheet music for violin tonight. So maybe I will start doing that again.

I decided to sign up for the National Novel Writing Month challenge to write a 50,000 word fictional story during the month of November. I can't remember the last time I wrote a fictional story (probably junior high) but something about it sounds like a fun idea for right now. With all of the uncertainty going on in my life right now, the idea of stepping outside of what I normally do is very appealing.

I finally feel like I have time for an update.

In the last week I have been to Columbia Missouri (6 hour drive each way), Ames Iowa (1 1/2 hours each way), and Minneapolis (4 hours each way). I am so tired from the traveling. It wouldn't have been so bad but I can't remember the last time I had a night of uninterrupted sleep. I had a lot of fun in each place but I'm glad I don't have to keep this schedule at this pace very often. I did get to spend time with stars2811 and her husband in Columbia, MO. They made the evening significantly more enjoyable.

My sick kitty Buffy is hanging on. We have settled into a rhythm that makes him happy and it gives Kris and me some time to get things done. Some days when I take him to bed with me (because he can't be alone for more than about 30 mins.) I am sure that he will be dead by the morning but then he isn't. Other days he does really well. Right now he is curled up in my lap with a really sweet happy face. At this point he basically can't walk (when we set him down he just stands and wobbles) but it isn't bothering him so I'm not letting it bother me. Luckily, my mom loves the little guy and took care of him while Kris and I were out of town. We adopted our cats when I was 12 so it was good that my mom got to spend some quality time with him.

Last night I realized how out-of-it in general I am. There has been a bit of drama going on, I'm trying to figure out where my life is heading, (there has been tons of back and forth and changes of plans that have made things difficult) and that was hard enough to deal with before my cat got sick. I figured out I was being kind of distant with a guy when it wasn't my intention. I feel bad because he is sort of just the victim of bad timing. 6 months earlier or later and we wouldn't be in the position. My intention is to try and fix the situation but to be fair, he didn't think through what he was doing before he did it. Awkward boy situations - the story of my life.

And yes, I miss my bright colored hair. My hair needed the break and with everything going on I just needed to not stand out so much for a while. I will most likely go back to bright colored hair at some point but until then I will be an almost redhead-ish.

Feel free to ask me something you want to know about me - related to what I posted or just to get to know me better. (Idea stolen from ______7ate9)

I have been a bit absent from LJ lately and it's because of this guy.



WARNING: This is a sad kitty story.

In August we took him to the vet because he has stopped eating. At that time, his blood work was in good shape (kidneys, thyroid, blood sugar, etc.) and the vet took a full body x-ray and saw nothing unusual. The conclusion was that the cause was probably something neurological. He told us that we could take him to the vet college at Iowa State (in Ames, about 90 miles away) and have more tests run but it seemed unlikely that they could really treat anything they found to be wrong with him. We decided to not do further testing. He is 14 years old and has never had the best health and it seemed like doing lots of testing and treatments might do more harm than good.

Since August we have been "force feeding" him with a syringe. It isn't exactly forcing him to eat, he enjoys the fact that we just put the food in his mouth now and all he has to do is swallow.

This month he has taken a sharp turn and has become pretty ill. The symptoms he has line up with having a brain tumor. The big symptoms we noticed were that he would stand with his head up against a hard surface (couch, coffee table, cabinets, etc.), he keeps walking in circles, and he is very confused when he tries to walk around and keeps getting stuck in corners.

Without getting into too many sad details he is getting worse quickly. He is very wobbly on his legs and I don't think he is seeing much at this point so we are just spending lots of time with him. He is confused when he tries to walk around but when you pick him up he seems to become very lucid.

I wrapped him in this blanket when I was trying to get stuff done and he kept walking around and getting stuck in corners and I had to keep rescuing him. He calmed down when I did this and went to sleep so I use this technique when I need to get something done and can't hold him constantly.



He pretty much needs someone touching him at all times or he makes these super sad crying noises and gets disoriented and falls off the couch. It has been exhausting dealing with this situation and I want to spend lots of time with him. If we had caught this sooner, there were a few treatment options. Every living thing dies and he doesn't seem to be in any physical pain from this. If we treated this, he would probably live a while longer and die from something painful so we are just letting things run their course.

So, that's why I'm not around as much.

I'm home from my hair appointment. I decided to go back to a 'normal' color even though I had 3 'stick with the pink/blue hair' comments. This morning I looked at my hair and the condition was just too bad to continue dying it like I have been. I already have thin hair, the bleaching is very hard on it, and my current stress level is just making it worse.

With the things going on in my life right now this just felt like the right thing to do.

I am probably not done with bright hair but I really needed to take a break from it for a while. As it is, the 'normal' color I have isn't exactly plain - it is an orangy brunette color. I'll post pictures soon.

I have exactly 12 hours to decide if I am sticking with the blue/pink hair or if I am changing it to a normal color.

Last minute opinions from you are encouraged. Comments also accepted anonymously.

When you have a ton of work ahead of you, do you procrastinate because the task is so overwhelming or do you just jump in and start doing it now so that you have plenty of time to do everything?

You start working on it now.

Too bad this ISN'T MY RESPONSIBILITY but if I don't do it I know that it won't get done. I'm so sick of waiting around for something to happen. I am worried that I am going to get hurt on this whole deal but I'm backed into a corner with no other options.

There may be a HUGE change of plans...

I didn't think it was possible for Disney World to be any more magical or beautiful than it already was. Then this came along...

My former design/patterning professor(and friend)'s husband wrote this book.

It can be found on Amazon.

I felt it was post-worthy.

Kris and I have big things planned for the next few months. I don't want to share what those plans are at this time, but it will all reveal itself soon enough.

Unfortunately, this means I probably won't be moving to Chicago as soon as I hoped. Which upsets me for a variety of reasons but I guess that is just how it is.

I wish is was next year already!

I would like to think that if I dyed my hair brown, my personal style/look would be something like this:


(from lookbook)

I need to stop posting text-only entries. Anyway...

I have a lot of life details that need to be worked out and I think I am figuring out where I am going and what I want to do. My impatience is getting the best of me and I am going crazy waiting for things to happen. As I am figuring things out, I am standing up for myself and what I want. I know it is throwing people off that I no longer listen to them and just follow their opinions blindly but I wasn't happy listening to them. I didn't figure out until very recently that some people had incredibly strong influences over what I did and said and the way I acted. Even now that I am aware of it I still fall victim to it and I am fighting against that because I have to in order to get what I want in life.

I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure this out.

You know I must be getting better at standing up for myself because today someone said to me 'Okay fine, be in your bitchy mood' which in the past would have lead me to back down and give in but today I stuck with what I wanted. Calling me names? Calling someone a bitch is a bully move to get the person to change and be what you want them to be. I wasn't doing anything mean to this person - my actions actually had nothing to do with their well being or happiness. I was a threat because I was not giving into that bullying, controlling behavior.

Selfishness is not doing what you want. Selfishness is making others live or do things how you want.

I am creating the world I want to exist in. And yes, things are going to change. How drastically they will change is unknown at this point. I made a realization recently. If you don't believe in something, you will never be able to do it well. No matter how hard you try, if it isn't something you love deep down you will not be able to pass any passion onto what you do and you will not succeed. I need to create my success because this isn't it.

I think I have reached the end of my bright colored hair experience. I have never in my life been a brunette. I think I might like to try it. For the longest time, everyone told me that pink hair is exactly what I should have. I'm not sure I am that girl anymore. I might do the colored thing once more but I haven't committed either way yet.

To end this on a different topic...

I made a very successful pair of pants for myself yesterday. Yes, I managed to pattern, cut, and sew a pair of pants for myself in one day (including 2 test fits/pattern modifications). Every item I make is better than the last. I am still holding onto the idea of opening a store selling my own clothing. To do that, I need to improve my patterning/design/sewing skills. I am starting to trust my own thoughts and skills again. I am making things for myself to wear because if I won't wear it, who will?

Lets start this week off by using this anonymous form to tell me something.

Stop saying "we". I never committed to you and I will never commit to you. It is you and it is me and we do our own things.

I am done being what you want me to be.

I have a $50 Amazon gift certificate and I am deciding between these two books:

Metric Pattern Cutting for Women's Wear


The Practical Guide to Patternmaking for Fashion Designers: Juniors, Misses, and Women

Isn't my life exciting?

This morning, I decided I hate almost all of my clothes. I will be making a new personal wardrobe because that is really what I should be focusing on right now, yep.